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Rebekka Lien: Thoughts on Interracial Dating

  • By Rebekka Lien

Interracial dating is such a big topic in our international and melting pot world. I have never dated an Asian male, though when I was 21 a gentleman tried to date me because he thought I was “the one”. Yeah, I rejected him. Since then, my taste in men have changed, you can email me if you want to ask.

I was born in Germany because my parents studied and worked in Germany just as many Asians do so in America. My first crush in Kindergarten was a blonde hair, blue eyed German boy. The only recollection I have of him was when he dressed up as a blue smurf for one of the all-German holidays in Hamburg. I had a white dress and veil; perhaps I was supposed to be a bride on my wedding day.
Anyhow, my eyes followed this boy on a daily basis. My class of 18 kids included all German kids, one Indian girl and one Taiwanese, me (I'm also a bit Dutch I heard). I was not aware that I looked different from anyone else. When you are young, you are unaware of racial differences. You are simply human.
My childhood crush set the course for my life. I became naturally drawn to brunette or blondes. Asian women get a bad rep for dating non-Asian men, but I beg to differ. If I grew up around Caucasians’ and non-Asians, isn't it normal feel comfortable around them? Also if Asian men don't hit on me, is it my fault that I am not attracted to them because I like men who take the initiative? From my experience, Asian men usually take a lot longer to share their feelings with me versus non-Asian men. I am a very aggressive and blunt woman, so I tend to scare Asian males away.
Half of my Asian girl friends like non-Asian males, half like Asian males. Due to my lifestyle, most of my close friends are pursuing their careers and have not married or settled down yet; they tend to like non-Asian males. I am not sure what to think of it, but maybe Asian couples tend to want to get married earlier and have kids?
I also have a friend who is half Jewish and half white who likes black guys. She is a well-primed, beautiful and tall woman who has gotten comments from white men about dating black guys. Black men have been shocked that she would like black men because she is eloquent and has a job. Yes, lots of molds here, do your own thinking. In spite of our liberal society, our generation still has to open our minds.
My colleague, a British actress and performer, was kind enough to share a heart wrenching and personal anecdote. “In a lot of cultures people are still expected to marry and date within their race. My father had to choose between his wife and child (me) or his family because my mom is not Armenian. This is really sad, but my father chose his family over my mom and me. This is why I have never met him because his family honor was way more important than anything else.”
Due to the decision her father made, she grew up not knowing that part of her life and culture.
“However, this was 22 years ago...I'd like to think that racism and tradition is more relaxed as I see a tremendous amount of couples from different cultural backgrounds, especially living in LA. I do thank my parents for this because I think that a lot of my success in my performing and modeling career has been due to the fact that I have an ambiguous look due to my ethnic background.”
I think if we are able to openly discuss what has hurt us or helped us in our interracial and non-interracial relationships, we can continue to move forward and progress in our society. There is so much shame and unspoken anecdotes that remind us that we must embrace each other- whether we choose to date within our own race or not. Let's destroy stereotypes and open our ears to listen and love.
Rebekka Lien
Realtor, Entrepreneur and Speaker
www.rebekkalien.com
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
 

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